I haven’t talked about losing my sisters. Maybe I’m not ready.
Still, it has its effect on you because I am emotionally busy. I am thinking, I am coping, and floundering a bit.
Loss hits me this way: The ground begins shifting, leaving gaping holes that I may fall into. I inch carefully so that I can move through my day without losing the flow. At times, I follow my thoughts and walk into a cloud of memories, some sweet and comforting, others that fill me with such deep regret that they drop me into a cloud of grief. I can’t see my way.
I can avoid this, but I think its better to sink into the morass of sadness and fear. Is there any way out but to walk through? No. That’s one thing I know from experience – if I skirt around it or skip across its surface, it will catch me up later. Grief is a living, breathing mass that can suffocate me, snag me unawares, and carry me away. It demands my attention.
Better to deal with it when I have this time of grace. I’ll be back, but I may be different