The Road Back

Dear Granddaughter

You are on the way to fully recovering yourself. I know it is still hard for you to have been betrayed.  In a way, betrayal changes your perspective for a long time.  It makes you a little more careful and a bit more prudent; but it needn’t cripple you in relationships. You are learning that. You are beginning to understand your own resilience.

Forgiveness is a necessary part of it.  It is wonderful gift to have and to give;  if you can forgive others, it means that you can forgive yourself, too.  People  who hold on to the past with a tight fist aren’t joyful or peaceful.  Forgiveness is necessary to be present and to enjoy each moment of your life. It is a relaxing deep breath that clears your mind and heart. It doesn’t let someone else and their behavior rule your life.

Another part is remembering the good times.  I know that this process angers you and that you feel you are being weak.  But, it isn’t a weakness, it is a part of healing.  The flow of grief brings disbelief, sadness, anger, and then finally the good memories return.

Memories of good times will ease your trip home.  They will give you a warm cushion for re-entry.  Those memories include many of your friends, not just him.  They will help you not to cringe each time you hear his name, nor walk around with a chest tight with dread of seeing him.

So learn and grow.  Keep your good memories and leave the bad ones.

I love this poem, “After a While”,  by  Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while

you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t always promises

and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn

with every good-bye you learn.


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