Fade out

Sitting with my son and daughter-in-law I was struck by her glow.   A dark beauty at all times, she shone last night in a tangerine blouse,  dangling hoops and the flush of having just enjoyed a dinner with friends.  As I admired her I was swept to a time fifteen years ago when I had a similar hairdo, bright clothing, bold jewelry, etc.  I basked for a moment in the memory of my own fire and passion.

Jacqueline Bisset  said,  “Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades.”

My youth has faded.  My face has faded. My hair has faded. I don’t envy the beauty of my daughter-in-law.  I love it for her.  And I mourn the passing of that time in my own life.

I made the decision almost a year ago to take the last step with my hair.  I was born a dark brunette.  My hair was white at 40 but I colored it.  First, I dyed it dark, then lighter, then reddish.  In my late fifties I got so tired of trying to keep the roots colored that I succumbed to the universal blonde of aging women.  I lived happily with this for several years.  I gave up the colorist and became a master at dying strips of different shades into my hair, giving it that sun-bleached natural look.

I looked up one day and realized that my hair and face were almost the same color.  And so I looked at the bottom line:  1) I was tired of the continual battle with hair dyes; 2) any and all of the colors that I had lived with would be unflattering to me now ( I lacked the courage for European red); and 3) My skin was calling for my natural color which is pure white!

I am waiting now for my character to click in.  I don’t feel so fortified.  Just colorless.  Let me think., what make-up would…


One comment

  1. You are NOT colorless! you are if anything more beautiful right now, which is amazing, as you have always been beautiful! Your skin isn’t “white” like mine but more of a “golden” color as you were burnett so you have more coloring than “blondes” do; With my blonde hair, white skin, & blonde eyelashes, I felt like a “ghost” who could fade into the white walls or wallpaper & no one would ever notice! Remember when you & I dyed my hair auburn because of that very reason; my roots were fire engine red? And you ran to the store; got some “brown rinse” so every time I shampooed I would use some on my roots?


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