And Then You Fly Away

Your Dad flopped into the chair.  His expression was a mixture of wistfulness and exhaustion, matching the feeling in the pit of my stomach. “They fly in and they fly out”, he said.

I don’t want my grown children to live with me.  I am not yearning to raise my grandchildren.  It is nice to have a quiet house again.  But…

When you all begin leaving there is a gap in my life.  I remember what I wanted to tell you.  I find the book that I wanted to show you.  Should I delete the recorded program we were going to watch together?

Within a few days I will be back in my routine.  My garden will captivate me, the house will demand my attention, and friends and activities will fill my life to overflowing.  Right this minute, however, my joyful memories of our time together are tinged with the regret of parting. All of the grief and loss that I have known in my life fills my chest and brings tears to my eyes.  When will we see each other again?

When will the house be filled with the harmony of voices that span 62 years?  When will the laughter ring?  When will I look over the crowd into the eyes of my son who noticed me amid all of the activity.  When will I be comforted by the manly voice of my teenage grandson, or wrapped in the exuberant hug of my granddaughter who is at an age that she loves to be enfolded in my arms each time she greets me? When will my daughter-in-law slip her arm around me as we watch my husband crushed onto the couch with eight grandchildren.

I recall a precious moment with each of you.  Warmth and joy fills my heart with the myriad of connections that filled a weekend of family celebration.

I will hold these thoughts.  I will surround myself with memories that shield me from sadness.  I will rejoice in the lives you lead and the people you have become.  And I will look forward with anticipation and joy to our next time together.  Thank you for being here.


One comment

  1. Beautifully stated. Similar feelings/thoughts/emotions spend their time spinning around in me. I love being a part of the family, thanks for the ride!


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