I just lurk.

Dear Kids:

I love being with you.  I wish I were the clever one and could regale you with my fresh ideas.  I yearn to have the quick repartee and the “with-it” knowledge of what is happening now.  Instead, I find myself wordless and watching.

When did this happen to me; that I lost touch with the top ten books, the current political jokes and the latest You Tube wonders?  Was it somewhere around the time that I left the short shorts and the tank tops behind?  Did I begin seeing myself as “past the age?  Maybe it was when I began admiring you more than being you.  Or is it just that I move in different (not smaller, I hope) circles?

When does the inevitable shift occur?  I’ve seen it in many older people but the role model was very strong from my parents.  My poor mother went so far off into her own head that she seemed to miss the life she lived as she took up permanent residence there.  Dad was immersed in his thoughts and readings.   He often talked without pauses about subjects dear only to his own heart.  Am I there?

My life is interesting to me but its focus has changed through the years.  Sometimes I am so internal that I question how I operate in your world.  Casual conversation triggers thoughts of life issues instead of current events.  My thoughts can run so far from your original subject that my comments would be inappropriate. If I did speak it might be the classic unintentional non sequitur.   And maybe I’ve gotten too serious for the fun talk.  The books I read are purely frivolous or so spiritual, educational or helpful that discussion of them causes you to run for cover.  Intensity…that’s the buzz kill!

So I google “LOL” and voraciously read your Facebook posts.  I watch “The Daily Show”.  I can speak “Hannah Montana” and “American Idol”.  I try to remember the names of the sports heroes and the latest “American Model”.  My knowledge is shallow, though.  It’s hard for meto have an in-depth conversation on most of these subjects.

But I am here with you.  I see, hear, and feel the life of my family buzzing about me.  I may not be current with the world but I am current with your lives.  If I don’t have a lot to say, I try to smile and laugh in the right places.

I lurk, I listen, I adore.


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