What can I do?

There’s nothing I can do.

My wonderful long-time friend lost her husband yesterday.  One minute he was there, the next he was gone from her.

In many ways she and I are kindred spirits, the kind of friends who think of calling and then hear the phone ringing…and there we are.  It’s no surprise that she was on my mind yesterday, we have that sort of connection.  And so, although it sounds cliché, my thoughts are with her.

What can I do that will make a difference to her?  Nothing, really.

I can sit next to her and hold her when she cries. I can make sure that she and her family have food.  I can be available.  I can write notes.  I can make phone calls.  I can help organize for services and necessities. And I can’t make a dent in her grief for her lifelong friend and husband.  I can’t fill the emptiness in her home or soothe the pain in her heart.

Her children are with her and that’s what I would want for myself.  I would want to look at their faces and see my husband.  I would want to surround myself with those who knew him and loved him as I did.  I would cocoon myself in the softness of shared feelings, knowing that when I reached out my hand, I was touching someone who knew what was in my heart.  I would circle the wagons and try to keep love in and reality out.

I want that for her and her kids today.  I wish it for her always and yet know that nothing can shield her forever.  But please, God, give her moments of peace and calm.  Let her sleep with forgetfulness and wake to comfort.  Let her loss be cushioned by her  memories.  Let her feel our love.



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