What draws me here?
Several years ago a friend went to spend time in a commune. She and I discussed her living conditions when I visited her there, She was able to spend a lot of time in meditation, and she felt energized in body and spirit by challenging herself in her physical surroundings.
My husband felt the same way when he tested himself in a vision quest. His trip into the wilderness with only water and rudimentary sleeping equipment left him spiritually cleansed and centered within himself.
My response to these challenges has always been the same. I appreciate and admire the people who accomplish such voyages to self, but I have no need to test myself against the elements or to deprive myself in order to look for spiritual and physical well-being.
Then why am I here? Why do I come year after year? Why am I staying?
A part of it is the sense of peace. There is nothing pressing on me except to check my email for contact from home. If I can talk to my husband every few days, I can surmount the homesickness that wraps me in a dusky cloud at eventide.
In contrast to my life in the U. S, I don’t have a real schedule. I can drink coffee on the front porch until I am hungry. I can read in the hammock either at home or on the beach at any time I please with no one and nothing to neglect. I can write when the spirit moves but can set it aside knowing that there is time later.
I didn’t come for peace, however. And I didn’t come to test myself. I’m looking for answers…my thoughts are under construction.
xxoo
A Letter to my Children 