I’m revisiting that soul searching about my role. I think this is another lesson in letting go, but how can I be sure?
My children and grandchildren are attending funerals of their loved ones this week. The dear departed are not my loved ones, but they are loved by my loved ones. And I want to be there for my family.
But there are considerations:
At what point is my attendance a hindrance instead of help?
My daughter’s partner has her hands full with her own first family. Would I divert attention from her needs? Would I, by my presence, exert subtle pressure to watch out for me? To accommodate me?
And my grandson will be at the service with his friend who lost a brother. Wouldn’t he be surprised to look up and see me in juxtaposition to that corner of his life?
Not to mention being on two sides of the continent in two consecutive days.
I am processing as I write.
In spite of my “upbringing” that sends deep and urgent messages for me to be in all places at all times when family trouble occurs, I think I must relinquish the concept of my importance in these life passages.
It’s time to think carefully about when I am needed and how I am needed. It’s time to pass the torch of responsibility and support to the next generations when appropriate.
My daughter will be there for her partner and the children as they mourn the passing of father and grandfather.
My son and his wife will be there for my grandson in his grief and as he is there for his friend.
A text message of support may be all that is necessary in the digital age of the younger generations. And I am always here if they call.