…on working together for the children

(NOTE:  This is one of a series of requested letters that will be posted under “Form Letters”,  for those of you who would like an idea or a template for a letter of your own.)

Dear Ex:

I need your help.  I am hopeful that we can cooperate and continue to do what is best for our children.

We have had so much conflict.  No matter how peacefully we intended to part, it seems to have become  a contest.  Maybe we were never a great team but I think it may be time to work on that.  As for me, I am willing to put aside our past disagreements that get in the way of our children’s future.

Right now I’m a little worried about my communication with the kids.  I don’t understand why they aren’t available to talk with me when I call, and I get anxious about it.  I can make up any number of distressing scenarios…from you being mad at me to the children not caring about me anymore.  Realistically though, I know that my calls may be inconvenient for you and for them.  And I realize that it will take a lot of effort from all of us for me to maintain a strong relationship with them from a distance.   I would love to have your help in this.

Can we work out a schedule that works for everyone?  Can I count on you to be positive about my contact with them? Can you (in spite of our differences) assure them of my love and interest in their lives?

Obviously we have differences.  And we don’t always agree about what is best for the kids.  Yet I’m know in my heart that having their father in their lives will have a hugely positive influence.  I love them and I want them to be secure in that.  I want to be able to reassure them that our divorce is not their fault and that I am still here for them.

I love my children and want to stay involved in their lives.

There’s a program for the computer called Skype.  It is a way of communication over the internet so that we can see each other when we talk.  This program is a free download but we will both need to have microphones and webcams.  It would be great, though, as a way for the kids and I to stay connected and for me to see their development in the months that I can’t visit.  Everyone says that it is almost like being together.  (Although I still won’t be able to hold them or touch them.)

Please, if we can’t be friends, at least let’s partner in the work we have to do in raising our children.  Let me know if you have problems or hesitations about my conversations with them.  And tell me the roadblocks so that we can work out solutions.

Thank you,

P.S. to readers.  I have no experience in this except by observation, so please chime in!

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