“That nothing is static or fixed, that all is fleeting and impermanent, is the first mark of existence. . .Everything. . .is always changing, moment to moment.” Pema Chodron
What is it in me that hates change?*
My heart aches for the spring flower that will fade in a day. I create a bouquet of lovely fall branches and immediately dread the moment when it will wilt and crumple.
An infant grasps my finger and I yearn for the soft strength of that moment to last. I sit with my sister and want to cling to her. Silently, I refuse to let her leave.
I want permanence. I want stability. I want to know that what I love will continue to be a part of my life. I am terrified of even the smallest loss.
I realize the fallacy in this. I recognize the problem.
The moment. The moment. The moment. Live in it. That’s the instruction.
It’s a difficult lesson for me.
* when I wrote this in 2011 I couldn’t comprehend the amount of change I would see in the following years. Young people dying accidentally. Friends losing their husbands. Suicides. Senility. Near death experiences up close and personal. And Covid-19. Originally posted at My Life Class, October 14, 2012 (Modified)