I always have trepidation when I leave my comfy life to survive on my own in a strange culture, using a foreign language. Why do I leave my home, my husband, my family and friends?
It’s because of how I feel when I get there.
What gives me such peace when I settle into my new life once more? Is it where I go or what I leave that creates a truly different me; as if I have left my personality behind? I am no longer intense. I’m not driven.
I have come to a conclusion. It’s that damn stuff again!
Stuff can easily become a problem if we have too little or if we have too much. When I travel I have just enough.
Of course, it’s different to wash all of my dishes by hand. But I have only a few plates, a skillet and two pots. I have 5 forks and 4 knives and a small assortment of spoons.
It’s hard work to wash by clothing my hand, rinse it, wring it and hang it. But here I have less than 1% of the clothing from my home closet. If I’m cold at night I simply wear my one long-sleeved T-shirt over my pajama top. If I am dressing up I choose bigger earrings from my small stash of costume jewelry. If I’m out in the midday sun I wear my floppy hat instead of my cap.
Yes, I think it is time to take a hard look at my “stuff” at home. Even those things I love can become a burden.
More troublesome, however, is my bougainvillea/mango dream. I want to wake in the morning surrounded by colorful flowers and eat mangoes from my own tree. Because I want to live part time in Mexico I bought lot in this village. I have put in a fence, a well, a septic and a garden shed. I have an approved building plan and permits for a small casita. And I pay a local family to maintain it and be a local presence all year long.
Isn’t that stuff?
I am happily prepared to relinquish this longtime dream.
I have owned the property and still rented a place to stay here for many years.
And if I built my house? My cherished husband doesn’t want to live here. I have no desire to leave him indefinitely. So it would sit empty for 10-11 months of the year; a logistical maintenance nightmare in a climate that allows everything to disintegrate fairly quickly in the high heat, the high humidity, the rainy season and/or all of the above.
Also, it goes against my core values, to own a vacant home in a village in which it is common for a small dwelling to house eleven people. And if I offered it to my village friends to live in part of the year, it would still be mine. I would be responsible.
It doesn’t work.
And so I have identified some of the issues. I have altered my dream to fit my reality. Now I must execute; here and at home.
One thing for sure…I can live with the recurring trepidation caused by leaving home. It passes. I love being here.
Yes, that is what life is all about, a series of compromises to fit in with the larger picture rather than get fixed in the smaller selfish inset.
Seems to work that way.
It sounds like paradise – where you are. And made even more beautiful by the simplicity of it all. Love how you reflect upon yourself and your ‘belongings’..and discover what works. Beautiful!
Sometimes it takes me a bit longer than I would have wished. But, then again, it all works the way it should.
I love your dream
and that brave heart of yours!
thanks for the inspire,
Thanks, Jennifer. Sometimes it feels brave. Other times, not so much!