…On Finding a New Love

“When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.” Kahlil Gibran

I am thrilled for you. Your new life is beginning.

You have spent months and years grieving, honoring and remembering your husband. You have made it through all of the “firsts” and “seconds”. You have lived with deep sorrow and loneliness. You have come to know moments of sheer joy.

You are ready.

I’ve known people who don’t finish their grieving before seeking a new partner. They are so anxious to be with someone that they push their loss below the surface and carry on. They go in to new relationships as a lifeline…as a shield against loneliness and solitude.

And I’ve known others who, for one reason or another, do not take the next step. Some are afraid. Some are stuck in the past; they retain the aura of their past relationship as a comfortable pillow that buffers them from beginning again. Others decide to forge a new path on their own and are happy with friends and family to round out their life.

I don’t know where I would fall in this continuum. Each of us makes the best decision four ourselves and it something that (thankfully)I haven’t faced it yet.

I’m impressed with you.  You cherish the love you had in your marriage. You have taken the time for self-examination. You have learned to live alone which gives you the freedom to make a conscious choice about what comes next in your life. And, after looking over options, you are bravely making a choice to dive into life. Wonderful!

I ‘m cheering you on. Just take a deep breathe and follow your heart.  Forget any criticism you hear or feel. Let the curious glances fall away like shadows that will dissipate. Don’t think of those who see you as wrong. Bask in the love of those who know you are ready.

Your life will never be the same as it was with your husband. And it can be wonderful in new and glorious ways. You go, girl!



  1. This is a very sensitive subject and I wish the recipient of that letter all the best in their new relationship. My partner of forty plus years and friend of almost half a century left me four plus years ago. I have not been actively looking for a new love but nothing has appeared anywhere in the horizon either. And if it does, I really would not know how I would react. In our society, it is more difficult the older you get and I am not exactly a spring chicken!


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