We all have dreams for our children and grandchildren. Some big. Some small. Some that even come true.
And when they don’t, it’s okay to take a little time to be sad as we say goodbye to what might have been. We can be happy for our kids, and proud of their decisions and 100% in favor of their independence. We can support them in their endeavors. We can smile we, we can hug, we can cheer…
And it’s still okay to be sad when our own dreams get tossed out the window.
A strong vision for the future is a recurring theme in my life…and my dreams for the next generations are hardest to give up, even though I acknowledge that I don’t own anyone’s future. I can try to be in the present, to not fast forward, etc; and I still hold some cherished dreams that live in my heart as if they were a reality. Ofttimes they are so tenuous and subtle that I am unaware. And they are always there.
It’s okay for me to dream.
What I must guard against is expectation. When my dream becomes a mandate for others, whether unspoken or clearly stated, their own dreams begin a struggle for survival.
I want my children and grandchildren to imagine their own lives. Not by the slightest innuendo, nuance of speech or action do I want to trample on what they see for themselves. Yet I’m sure that they feel the weight of my hopes for them.
I want them to know that whoever they are and whatever they become is inconsequential in how I feel about them, a the same time acknowledging that love may not be enough. They may be confident in my love and still dodging and darting around my judgment of their choices.
Ah, parenting is a slippery slope, isn’t it? And I so wanted to have a firm footing.
Well, I’m going to have a little memorial service for what I thought might happen. Then I’ll dream on!
xxoo
A Letter to my Children 
In my case, both my late wife and I were very happy with the way our son’s life unfolded till he entered the job market when everything collapsed. We dreamt new dreams then and with God’s grace, those nightmare days and nights were replaced with dreams again and they have been slowly but surely coming true. By and large, my wife died knowing that there is every chance of her son living a fruitful and joyful life. I am seeing such unfolding now and have no complaints. I have serious doubts that I will ever see grand children but am satisfied with my grand nephews and nieces.
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I think that’s the key…leaving the old dreams behind and finding new ones. They are always there.
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Thank you for this beautiful testament to the love of a parent. Yes we have hopes, but how well you put it: “Not by the slightest innuendo, nuance of speech or action do I want to trample on what they see for themselves.” Yes we may have our hopes but we wisely chose love over expectations. A lovely post. xo Hugs, Gina
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Thank you, Gina. I always appreciate knowing that you have dropped by.
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