Hearing about your engagement was a great thrill. From all of our heart-to-heart talks through the years I know what you want in a relationship. So I know that you have found a man who treasures you, honors you, laughs with you, and is always on your side. In your time together you must have discovered that his vision for life works with yours and that he will hold you tightly in his heart while allowing you freedom to be yourself. It is all that I could want for you.
I admit that immediately after the thrill I felt the trepidation of an older, wiser, long-lived grandmother.
You, dear girl? Ready to be married? Do you really know him? Do you share common goals? Do you truly share all of the values upon which a life together must be founded?
I have only met this man fleetingly. Is he gentle enough to hold you lightly as you continue to spread your wings? Does he understand you? Will he rub your back when you can’t sleep? Can he smile at your volatility, accommodate your drama, and listen to your blues? Does he realize that when you smile through your sorrow and snap with impatience you need both time alone and an ear to listen? Does he love your exuberance and share your zest for life?
Then I talked myself down from my fretting.
You are a woman. You know how to make hard and wonderful choices for yourself. You’ve lived through mistakes and learned from them. You are old enough to know and young enough to learn. And I trust you for all of that.
After all, this is not marriage. What is an engagement but a time for talking, for learning, for negotiating? This is the time to lie next to each other conjecturing about your future and trying on a million scenarios. It’s the time to experiment with the outcomes of anger and disappointment as well as tenderness and passion.
Your friendship and love will deepen now. He will spend time with your family. You’ll see how he fits into the groove of your history and will have a chance to experience the same within his family. Unpacking the baggage of your lives is a way to begin sharing what is before you, to understand the separate views of life that will fold into your future.
I will have time to know him. I will reassure myself and add another grandson to my fold.
You have my blessing for your life…no matter how it unfolds. I am here, knowing that you are exactly where you should be. You are there, knowing that you are loved.
I am thrilled for you.