Life is Good – Not a Struggle

This is my year to be hung up on my stroke, I guess. It’s my second year and reality has definitely set in.

One morning while getting ready for water aerobics I pondered the struggle of get to the YMCA and into the pool. Then I thought, “Well, $*!@,  it’s not ever really going to change”.

I don’t think about my limitations a whole lot in my normal day. My life has become my routine. Probably, I know what I can and can’t do and don’t frustrate myself too much as I move about .

I am not always aware, for instance, that I have a right arm. At odd moments I decide to connect it with my brain and open the refrigerator door or pick up pot with both hands instead of just my left hand. My hand is probably confused with the mixed messages – feeling useless and sad most times – and then inept about doing its job due to lack of practice. Once in awhile I talk to it – saying that it is treasured and necessary.

One thing I don’t focus on is struggle. I am well aware when I walk or even just live (what I think of as a normal life) it looks like a struggle to the outsider. I am often hyper-aware of other people watching me. And I appreciate a door being held open, or a hand offered.

After all, I have been stuck in a restroom with a door that was so heavy it was impossible for me to open without inching my foot in position and then putting my head between the door and the door jam and working my way out. it seems pretty funny now, but it used to be necessary for a family member to wait outside the restroom door to see when I need out. Or, just test the door before I went in . I am stronger now but it remains a mystery why the doors to accessible restrooms are heavier than those to normal restrooms. Go figure!

Boy, did I digress.

The point is of this whole post is to let you know that once in a while I struggle. And life is never a struggle. Life is to live. Everyone has ups and downs. Everyone has roadblocks. I am no different. Maybe when you think I am struggling it doesn’t feel that way to me, it is my normal body movement. I may be walking with my normal gait.

My doctor told me to get used to people seeing me through that lens. “After all,” he said, “You walk funny.”

But he knows what I know. Life is good!

xxoo

 

Comments

  1. Struggling is good for the body and the soul!

    I have been “walking funny” for near four decades. It is often a great advantage as I get preferential treatment because of my cane or elbow crutches! There is a discussion group to which I belong which even changed its venue from the first floor hall to a ground floor one so that I don’t have to climb a flight of steps.

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  2. I would climb a flight of stairs to have the privilege of being in your discussion group. I agree that some struggle is good for this soul, but I think we can make life more of a strugglie van necessary (thus suffering). I remember the wordsto an old Paul Clayton folk song which I never agreed with…
    “Oh life is a toil and love is a trouble
    Beauty will fade and riches will flee
    Pleasures they dwindle and prices they double
    And nothing is what we could wish it to be”
    https://genius.com/Paul-clayton-life-is-a-toil-lyrics

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  3. I can only imagine how frustrating your trials with restroom doors are I had never given any thought to the fact that they are much heavier! Talking to your right arm is a wonderful way to divert your mind from struggle or self-pity as would be the case with me. You’re an inspiration!

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