Who hurt you, once,
so far beyond repair
that you would meet each overture
with curling lip?
While we, who knew you well,
your friends, (the focus of your scorn)
could see your courage in the face of fear,
your wit, and thoughtfulness,
and will remember you
with something close to love. Marylyn Plessner
Maybe it’s a sign of my own mental illness or just my giant ego, that I try after so many years. I believe, I suppose, that with enough unconditional love, enough amends, enough reaching out, there might be some glimmer of forgiveness.
It had to be is a mortal wound to have destroyed our loving relationship. I wish I knew. None of the apologies given have been accepted or even acknowledged. And I stopped trying to defend myself several years ago- if it caused you hurt I have but one heartfelt response , “I’m truly sorry,”.
Maybe turning the other cheek only intensifies your hurt. It’s time to stop. I will use my energy to shore up other relationships that have been damaged by the fallout.
I have loved you as my own child. Do I still? I want to. But from a distance – in concept and In dreams. In reality, until I feel a tug on that slender thread which binds us together – I am letting you go.