Happy Birthday

It’s my birthday today and I find that I have started many posts about the experience, but have finished (I’m not sure unless I look it up) few or none. So This is a composite of lots of aging posts, most undated, all unfinished – until now.

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I’m approaching another birthday. I don’t dread it. And I don’t celebrate it much. It is an excuse to do whatever I like without feeling a spot of guilt.

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I notice that I perceive myself as older since my hair is white, but I haven’t really psyched out whether that is internal or external. Do I feel older? Do I look older? Do people think I’m older? ad infinitum…. A few times I have been referred to as my husband’s “Mother”. (He has no gray hair.)

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I think there is a direct correlation between losing one’s close-up vision at a time in our lives when we are better off without it. When I did photography in my younger days, I couldn’t understand soft-focus. Now it is my friend. And it’s automatically installed in my eyes in order to view myself and others kindly.

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Actually, I’m feeling pretty good about my age. I watched Dolly Parton the other night. Bless her heart! I was figuring that I am about 5 years older than she is. I may not look like the new 50 but I have so far refrained from self-mutilation. I am sad for women in the public eye who believe they are not allowed to age.

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I hope my passion isn’t gone. (2010)

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I’ve studied aging carefully from a visual and style perspective. (How shallow is that?) How do I want to look? I don’t want anyone to be unpleasantly surprised when I turn around, so maybe I should dress appropriately!

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A friend and I spent an inordinate amount of time in our young lives dressed as old people. It is a bit frightening what we projected ourselves to look like when we were older. We had elaborate makeup showing lines; frizzy, grey wigs, and missionary-society dresses and shoes. Not how I see myself now.

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“I bet she was beautiful when she was young.”

“What do you mean by that? Can’t you see that she still is!”

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Well, I guess it’s somewhat “full circle “. And it is what it is.

In the time of Covid-19 birthdays have changed. We won’t be going out to dinner. I won’t have friends over (although I am meeting a few outside and distanced – for coffee tomorrow.) I will try to have one friend at a time in the next week or so, not because it’s my birthday but because I miss them.

I’ve already had lovely cards, calls, and texts. My grandkids have promised to “Zoom” me later. We’re all healthy and well-sheltered.

Happy Birthday to me!

XXOO

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