Relationship challenges don’t disappear. I have a difficult person in my life and because I can’t walk away from family I must continually dive back in, difficult or not. And if I walk my own talk, I must love the people I love and accept them for who they are.
In my self-examination before the next go-around, I believe I have discovered something. I have always acknowledged that I am at least half of the problem, now I may need to claim more responsibility.
So where does the difficulty lie?
It lies in seeing disagreement as combativeness instead of being a peace with my own beliefs.
It lies in my insecurities when I am questioned – I’m not confident enough to remain calm.
It lies in defensiveness; in believing I must defend my own and others beliefs and behaviors rather than standing peacefully with my own values and releasing the illusions of control of others.
It lies in my sense of responsibility for the wrongs in the family and in the world when they are flung at me. I could better use my energy to validate the pain instead of rationalizing and taking on the guilt.
It lies in nursing my own hurt rather than recognizing it in those I love.
Today I hope to gird myself with love and acceptance. I want to deeply comprehend what I have always believed: people who seem unlovable just need more love.
It’s a challenge.
October 6, 2012