Is it You…or is it Me?

I already know that if I am irritated with anyone for any behavior any time, I should look to myself for that behaviors worst exhibitions.  Why this is?  Do I feel as if my irritating behaviors have been infringed upon?  Co-opted? Improved upon? Don’t know. I just know it fills me with dread whenever I […]

Self vs Self

Years ago I was amused when my 83-year-old mother said, “I walked by the mirror and wondered what old woman was looking back at me.” I understand better now. Still I amused myself today. As I was approaching the grocery store I saw a “mature” woman turning back to her cart, having finished loading her […]

Farewell to a Time

Today is the memorial service for an old friend, mentor and client.  This man was the catalyst for changes and successes in my career.  He was intelligent and knowledgeable, sometimes arrogant and demanding; and he also believed in rewarding good work.  He had a philosophy of teamwork and shared responsibility and so he never cast […]

Here come the judge…

Dear Daughter, I have come to the conclusion that there is no good way to hear anything  (other than a newscast) from anyone else unless it is unqualified approbation, or obvious approval and/or praise. Concern, worry, helpful hints (except when read from a columnist in the newspaper)  become mini-interventions.  Thoughts intended to be enlightening, broadening […]

Holding on to My Self

Life is such a process, isn’t it? I cruise along.  I am contented, productive, loving… …and I’m gone.  I struggle, I’m useless,  snarky and and powerless. Holding on to my self has been the single hardest struggle in my life. In my twenties I would hear of people going off to “find themselves”.  That was […]

And then there was me…

Am I not the pious one?  When I read my last blog I realize once again how easy it is to acknowledge the problems of others.  My fingers speed over the keyboard expressing my unease with alcohol as used by others.  I’m a master of how it should be for all of those “drinkers” out […]

Voyage to Self

“I am the captain of my soul.”  William Ernest Henley I am watching and listening and remembering.  I was older than you when I discovered that it was within my power to be the person I wanted to be.   It had nothing to do with being rich or famous.  It had everything to do with […]

Too Busy to Think

I have spent a lot of my years confining my gerbil mind to its cage.  I trained it to be businesslike, take care of details, watch out for others and make copious lists. It could run in circles, solve problems, dart and dash, but it couldn’t run free. That was normal for me. I’m not […]

My Self as a Work in Progress

I wanted to stretch myself.  I wanted to step outside of my tiny little comfort zone and bravely join a group of unknown women in a little house on a big ocean.  The thought of it reminded me of movies I’ve seen: strangers thrust upon each other who arrive with problems, prickly personalities and different […]

Geeks R Us

This is worse than junior high.  I’m packing to spend three nights with people I don’t know.  It’s a road trip to the coast for a few days with a close friend who was invited by a high school friend.  Everyone is bringing someone and the house will be filled with strangers.  I have a […]