Disappointed

This was a post in 2009 but I think it may be appropriate to reprint in these times. I don’t often use the word.  In fact, I have an aversion to the judgmental quality of it.  After all, when it comes to people, isn’t it arrogant to assume that they should perform to my expectations?  […]

Approval vs. Disapproval

As an adult I am exhorted to live without consideration of the opinion of others.  I’m to feel sure of my decisions, confident in my path and able to pat myself on the back in lieu of all of those egomaniacal desires for personal and public approval.  All well and good, I suppose. Yet I […]

Absolution in Life and Death

By brother-in-law gave me a great gift by living long enough for me to redeem myself. Our relationship was always tainted by my judgment of how he lived his life.  Looking back, I can’t recall that he singled me out for judgment.  Because of the difference in our beliefs, I’m sure he was appalled at […]

Oh, the places you’ll go….*

Dear Son, That was a strange way for me to respond to your good news, wasn’t it?  I was being kind of silly and it didn’t come out well. Because it sounded as if I subscribe to the belief that who we are is defined by where we live.  And I don’t think I believe […]

Suicide

Dear Son, My heart is aching for you. I can feel your exhaustion as you struggle to make sense of your friend’s death.   I imagine your grief and confusion. For those of us who hold vigorously to life, it’s impossible to understand.  Why couldn’t he see his life clearly?  Why didn’t he work on his […]

Changing Back

I am my attitude. When I get judgmental or resentful or just plain pissy, I change into a fractured, ungrounded person.  Or is it the other way around? I’ve lived through this lots of times.  So why does it take me so long to connect my flopping about with stinking thoughts? Or to get myself […]

Here come the judge…

Dear Daughter, I have come to the conclusion that there is no good way to hear anything  (other than a newscast) from anyone else unless it is unqualified approbation, or obvious approval and/or praise. Concern, worry, helpful hints (except when read from a columnist in the newspaper)  become mini-interventions.  Thoughts intended to be enlightening, broadening […]

No Matter Where I Go…

I’m still hung up on collectives.  Do they differ from filters?   If ever there is a lesson in being myself and living my life, as I believe best, it should be in examining my own filters and collectives. I have plenty of time to consider this when I am traveling alone.  If I think or […]

Holding on to My Self

Life is such a process, isn’t it? I cruise along.  I am contented, productive, loving… …and I’m gone.  I struggle, I’m useless,  snarky and and powerless. Holding on to my self has been the single hardest struggle in my life. In my twenties I would hear of people going off to “find themselves”.  That was […]

The Reality Known as Parents

If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent.  ~Bette Davis Unless we are criminally neglectful or abusive or just plain bat-shit crazy, there is really no protection from us as parents.  And even if we are any of those, chances are we are not permanently divided from our […]