Missing Her

Dear Children,

How can we bear our sadness?  How can we ease the suffering of people we love?

Your aunt and uncle are visiting. Your cousin is not.

When we travel you rarely travel with us.  You are all adults.   It isn’t unusual for us to visit your aunts and uncles without taking you along.  Sometimes, we don’t even talk about you. But we know you are there.

Your aunt and uncle don’t have that comfort.  When their  minds run through the parental checks and balances of their day they are in deficit because their daughter is gone.

The pain of such loss is devastating.  The thread of anguish weaves its way through every day of our lives.  We may not recognize it as grief for your cousin.  But her violent death has changed us all forever.  It has robbed us of trust in everyday life and survival.  It has left us with a blank space in the family portrait that can’t be filled by anyone else.

She was your cousin and she is gone.  When we hear or say her name it creates a hollow pause in our thought patterns.   Why can’t she be here?  She will never again join in the “cousin reunions”.  She won’t attend any weddings, any funerals or any graduations.  Except in our thoughts.

The years dull the pain.  There are generations of children who only know her name.  But I will never forget her.  And I will remember that her parents have a permanent hole in their life.

We can’t fill that hole for them.  In fact, sometimes our very existence as a large family may add suffering for them.  But I hope they know that we all remember.  We all love their daughter.  And we all love them.


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